So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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