Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
