I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
