Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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