I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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