Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
