I wish I only lived at night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
