these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
