how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
