I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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