Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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