he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
send nudes
from the living room?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
