i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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