Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover

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(801): View more from Utah

What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?

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(248): View more from Michigan

On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"

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(303): View more from Colorado

Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.

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(713): View more from Texas

I miss my innocence.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."

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