its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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