I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
