I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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