I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
