i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
