You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
tell me about the fingering
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