i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
