She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
