That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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