There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
