No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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