I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
