I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
