How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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