No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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