sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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