I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
