guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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