my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
