I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
