Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
