Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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