Fuck appropriateness.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
