My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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