what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
