i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
