This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
