I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
