I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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