My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
