I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
