I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
