He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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