went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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