if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
