Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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