just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
