That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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