So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this boner is exhausting
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
