Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
