This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
